Bar/Bat Information Package
Introduction
The requirements for Bar/Bat Mitzvah at the Beth Sholom are expectations that we feel can be achieved by every candidate. At Beth Sholom we see the Bar/Bat Mitzvah experience as part of a continual commitment to the essentials which make up our Jewish heritage and tradition. We would like the experience of Bar/Bat Mitzvah to be expressed within the family unit as well as the synagogue. We hope that the entire family will support, encourage, and participate together with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah in this significant stage of transition, from childhood to adolescence and maturity.
Family members of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah candidate; parents, sisters, brothers, grandparents, and others are welcome as co-participants in this important event. During the next years, your son/daughter will need and seek advice, help, support, and encouragement from you. The success of their Bar/Bat Mitzvah will be your success, and the efforts you make on their behalf will culminate in pleasure and pride for your family as well as the Jewish community.
Literally, Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah means: “A son/daughter of the Commandment”. It is both a privilege and a great responsibility. You have heard many people speak about the importance of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. It is a milestone which requires much hard work and discipline. This booklet will help assist you on the road to your child becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah and a mature participant within the Jewish community.
Twelve, for a young lady and thirteen, for a young man are important years in their lives. It is at this age that Judaism charges them with the responsibilities to fulfill mitzvot. At this age they are asked to live according to the Laws of the Torah. These laws comprise ethical teachings such as, Gemilat Hesed and Tsedakah, rituals such as Shabbat and Kashrut and communal observances and responsibilities.
Twelve is a significant number in Jewish Tradition. The ancient Israelite nation was comprised of twelve tribes, descendants of the twelve sons of Jacob. There are twelve signs of the Zodiac. A normal Jewish year has twelve months. The Jewish day is divided into twelve daylight hours and twelve evening hours.
EDUCATION REQUIREMENTS: Prerequisites and Participation
The Synagogue has minimum educational requirements prepared in conjunction with the United Synagogue for Conservative Judaism. Currently, these include mandatory attendance at a Hebrew School recognized by the Toronto Board of Jewish Education at least two days per week, for five years including the year of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Particulars are available from the Cantor. The Synagogue reserves the right to withdraw the privilege of religious services if education, participation, and attendance requirements are not met.
One of the most important mitzvot that we are called upon to fulfill as an adult is Talmud Torah. The quality and quantity of Jewish knowledge that you have acquired up until this point is only a small portion of the vast wealth of Torah knowledge waiting for you to attain.
The most respected title that one can achieve as a Jew is that of Talmid Chacham: a wise and learned student of the Torah. Reaching the age of Jewish maturity does not absolve one of this significant mitzvah, but enhances its importance as a tool for our future development and understanding.
All Bar/Bat Mitzvah candidates are encouraged to continue their Jewish education by attending available high schools and high school programs within the Jewish community. One such program is the CONGREGATIONAL HIGH SCHOOL-JEWISH STUDIES PROGRAM, housed at the Adath Israel and co-sponsored by Adath Israel, Beth David, Beth Emeth, Beth Sholom, and Beth Tikvah Synagogues. The class meets on Monday evenings from 5-7 pm.
In the Bar/Bat Mitzvah rental agreement which you signed it says, “The Synagogue has minimum educational requirements prepared in conjunction with the United Synagogue for Conservative Judaism.” Any Bar/Bat Mitzvah candidate who does not comply with these standards may be in essence considered as contravening the contract and thereby making it null and void, which would release the Licensor from any obligations with regard thereto.
At Beth Sholom, the following Bar/Bat Mitzvah prerequisites and participation standards are mandatory in addition to the minimum standards of Hebrew School education:
1) Bar/Bat Mitzvah candidates are expected to attend the Bar Mitzvah Family Program led by Rabbi Aaron, Cantor Moses and Larry Shilling.
2) Bar/Bat Mitzvah candidates are expected to attend Shabbat services at least once per month during the year prior to the bar mitzvah.
Meeting with the Rabbi and Cantor
The clergy of the Beth Sholom will assist you to make your Bar/Bat Mitzvah a pleasant and meaningful experience. Our philosophy is that each Bar/Bat Mitzvah candidate is a unique and distinct individual.
Parents are welcome to call upon Rabbi Aaron, Cantor Moses, or Larry Shilling anytime before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Parents should contact Cantor Moses or Larry Shilling approximately 12 months prior the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This contact will ensure that the child has been assigned the proper Torah and/or Haftorah portions. In addition, the family should meet with the Rabbi one month prior to the Simcha date to meet and discuss the D’var Torah. Please do not hesitate to contact any of the synagogue’s clergy with any concerns or questions that you may have.
DOUBLE B’NAI MITZVAH
At Beth Sholom, it is sometimes necessary to double-book for Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebrations. Each candidate will be required to have mastered the chanting of all of the Blessings, Maftir and their half of the Haftorah. When there are two B’nai Mitzvah, the Haftorah portion will be divided. The apportionment will be decided by the Cantor and Ritual Director.
KASHRUT
It is important to recognize that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah has reached the age of Jewish responsibility, which implies the observance of many Jewish laws. Parents are advised that scheduling a party or other gathering which is non-kosher and/or requires participants to desecrate the Shabbat is not appropriate. The Board of Governors has agreed to the principle that whatever, whenever and wherever the seudah is, it is desirable to conform to proper halachic standards of Shabbat observance and approved Kashrut in order to underline the “Mitzvah” aspect of the entire ceremony from beginning to end.
TZEDAKAH
FAMILY PHOTOS / VIDEOS
Picture taking in the Sanctuary seems to be a nearly universal practice. In order to accommodate you, we require that you book a day and time through the shul office, as far in advance as possible.
As no photography is allowed on Shabbat, it has become customary for families to come to the Synagogue the week before the Simcha to take family photos and record the event in the Sanctuary.
ALL SANCTUARY PHOTO SHOOTS MUST BE COORDINATED AND BOOKED THROUGH THE SYNAGOGUE OFFICE.
Here are some simple picture-taking rules that we have set out. These rules are logical and purposeful. Please adhere to them.
1. A sefer torah will be available at the bimah for your use. The Aron Kodesh (Ark) may be opened only by the Ritual Director, not by photographers or family members. The same goes for the removal, handling and return of the Sefer Torah.
2. Property damage has resulted in the past from overly zealous photographers who have attempted to remove microphones or move the Reader’s Table and other furniture. Please advise your photographer that the Ritual Director is available for moving and reconfiguring Synagogue property. You will be held liable for damage to Synagogue property resulting from the failure to adhere to this simple rule.
3. Please co-ordinate your synagogue booking for picture – taking with your photographer and/or videographer and keep us advised of any changes.
4. Photography is allowed in the Chapel/Sanctuary during weekday morning services.
Your questions are welcome, please call the synagogue office.
A Message from Cantor Eric Moses and Larry Shilling, Chazzan Sheni–
The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Teachers
As the Bar/Bat Mitzvah teachers, we would like to assist you in the learning process as much as possible. Our primary function is to teach your child the tropes (musical cantillations) for reading the Torah and the Haftorah. However, we always encourage those who have the ability and the interest to do more than the minimum requirement. Please do not hesitate to ask us how to include other family members in the religious component of your celebration.
Bar/Bat Mitzvah preparations are a significant part of the overall experience leading up to ‘the big day.’ While attendance at a Hebrew School provides a foundation, Bar/Bat Mitzvah lessons focus on cultivating a proficiency in reading from the Torah and Haftorah. We find that the best results are achieved by meeting with all of our students on a regular basis. The lessons are private and take place weekly for one half hour, beginning 8-10 months before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. While the lessons focus on teaching the required skills, the 15 minutes of daily practice is equally important to reinforce and build confidence in each child’s ability. A compact disk will be provided at the first lesson to assist with home study.
The only material that you will need to purchase is the Shilo Edition of the Bar Mitzvah booklet corresponding to your child’s parsha. Please bring this to the first lesson. In addition, it is a good investment to purchase a tikkun, particularly if your child will be reading extra sections from the Torah. In the weeks preceding the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, the final lessons take place in the sanctuary using the Sefer Torah and the microphone in order to simulate the actual event and rehearse under more realistic conditions.
A log is kept with notes on each student’s weekly progress so that we can monitor your son/daughter’s advancement. Please do not hesitate to inquire about your child’s progress or to review the log.
Attendance at all lessons is important. If for some reason your son/daughter cannot attend the lesson on a given week, please call or email us at the synagogue office to reschedule. We will do our best to accommodate you.
In addition to the private tutoring, the synagogue offers family group Bar/Bat Mitzvah sessions. The dates and topics vary from year to year. Listed below is a sampling of topics we covered this year. More information will be sent to you about these interactive, family-oriented sessions.
• Mitzvah Projects – Making a Difference Before the “Big Day”
• What is Bar/Bat Mitzvah? Shabbat? Torah? Haftorah? D’var Torah?
• Make Your Own Tallis/Challah Cover
• Jewish Death and Burial
• Kashrut Through the Eyes of a Shochet
• Nostalgia Tour of Historic Jewish Toronto
It is important for your son/daughter to feel comfortable in their shul. We strongly believe that attendance on Shabbat is the only way to adequately balance the preparation for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Often a child’s greatest fear is about what he/she hasn’t prepared for – i.e. When to go up to the Torah, what is the order of events, when in the service does it take place, etc. The only way to adequately answer this question is to see it first hand.
The Bar/Bat Mitzvah experience is about connecting with your synagogue and your teacher. We are here to make your experience meaningful and enjoyable.
Tefillin
One of the oldest and most meaningful prayers recited twice daily is the Shema Israel. In the first chapter and repeated again in the second chapter we find the command to place a sign of our devotion to God upon our hand and upon our head between our eyes. The symbolism of the Tefillin is to remind us that our head, which is the source of strength and action, should always be devoted to the service of God and humanity. In our daily lives we should strive to act in accordance with the moral and ethical teachings of the Torah. We should further strive to attain knowledge and understanding of our precious religious heritage.
The Bar Mitzvah boy receives a new pair of Tefillin. These should be purchased and properly sized prior to the date of the Bar Mitzvah’s Hebrew thirteenth birthday. One that belongs to another member of the family is not acceptable; every adult male should have his own pair. An exception will be made if there is a Tefillin from a deceased relative that the family would like the Bar Mitzvah to inherit. In this case the Tefillin must be checked and certified as kosher by a reputable Sofer (ritual scribe).
The reason for certification is to insure that over the time the parchment scrolls in the Tefillin have not deteriorated internally due to humidity, cold and heat. Only a certified Sofer can do this.
While most Bar Mitzvahs are observed on Shabbat, it is customary for the boy to come to Shul on the first Monday or Thursday following his actual Hebrew birthday to receive an Aliyah to the Torah and to put his Tefillin on for the first time in his life. It is another opportunity to strengthen the mitzvot of Judaism in this young mind.
To arrange for this wonderful observance, please contact the office as soon as possible to determine your son’s Hebrew birth date and reserve a date for his tefillin aliyah.
Please note that only men wearing Tefillin will be called to the Bimah. If tefillin are required, the shul has a limited supply to loan for the occasion. Please check with the ritual director. If you require assistance with your tefillin, please arrive a few minutes early and we will be pleased to help you.
It is customary for the Bar Mitzvah family to sponsor the congregational breakfast to mark this special occasion.
Shabbat Weekend of Bar/Bat Mitzvah
Friday Night Service
Shabbat begins at sundown on Friday and it is a twenty-five hour physical and spiritual experience. The Rabbis of Safed would welcome the Shabbat Queen by going outdoors and watching the sun set in the West. They composed the beautiful song, Lecha Dodi which is based upon the Talmudic description of the way our sages welcome the Sabbath. Rabbi Chaninah would wrap himself in his cloak and say, “Come let us go and welcome the Sabbath Queen.” Rabbi Yannai would don his garment and say, “Enter, O Bride! Enter, O Bride!”
Our Bar/Bat Mitzvah is encouraged to attend the Kabbalat Shabbat Service with his/her family.
Saturday Morning Service
Shabbat morning services have always played a significant role in the life cycle of our people. It is here that a new born baby girl is given a name by her parents. The Sabbath before a wedding is the occasion for an Aufruf, where the bridegroom is called to the Torah and both he and his bride receive a blessing, while their intention to wed is publicly announced to the congregation by the Rabbi. It is at the Shabbat morning services that our Bar/Bat Mitzvah receive an Aliyah, and are presented to the congregation and community for their recognition of their new adult status. In addition to the chanting of the Haftorah, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah candidate may also read appropriate portions from the Torah. While girls and boys may read the maftir portion, only boys are permitted to read additional parts from the Torah. All B’nai Mitzvah may also take part in the service by chanting additional prayers such as Ashrei and Ein Keloheinu. Our Bar/Bat Mitzvah will also be given the opportunity, if he/she wishes to recite a D’var Torah from the Bimah to explain the meaning of the parsha.
Actual Bar Mitzvah Date
Each day in our civil calendar corresponds to a Hebrew date in the Jewish calendar. The civil calendar of 365 days has twelve months made up of thirty and thirty one days except for February which changes twenty eight to twenty nine in a leap year.
The Jewish calendar is a lunar one based upon the changing phases of the moon. The twelve months of a normal year have either twenty-nine days or thirty. This corresponds to the lunar cycle which takes twenty-nine and a half days to complete. The adjustment between the lunar year of twelve months and the solar year of 365 days is made on a leap year by adding an extra month to the Jewish calendar. This month is known as Adar 2.
All religious rites are observed according to the Jewish calendar. Yahrzeit, wedding, and Bar/Bat Mitzvah dates must correspond to the Jewish calendar for that year, not the civil. Sometimes the Jewish date may precede the civil, sometimes it may come after.
Your ABM (Actual Bar/Bat Mitzvah) date relates the Hebrew date and the date in the civil calendar when you reach the age of twelve or thirteen. Your Bar/Bat Mitzvah must be celebrated after that date.
For a Bar Mitzvah it is celebrated soon after the thirteenth Hebrew birthday. As of the ABM a boy must start wearing tefillin during the weekday morning services and may be counted in a minyan. He should receive an aliyah on the weekday soon after the ABM, as indicated in the “Tefillin” section.
For a Bat Mitzvah, her ceremony celebration may be held during the twelfth year and all mitzvot, such as kindling Shabbat candles together with her mother, and fasting on Yom Kippur are required of her after her twelfth birthday.
What to wear?
At Beth Sholom Synagogue we know that planning a simcha is anything but a simcha at times. After all, we have been having simchas for over 50 years! In order to make your job a little easier, we are happy to provide you with this brief outline of some frequently asked questions regarding procedures and protocol.
For men, the protocol is slightly different, but the idea is the same-to create an environment of seriousness and reverence for the service. Men will typically wear suits, white shirts and ties. Tuxedos are not considered to be appropriate wear for the Sabbath. All men are also required to wear both a Kippah (head covering) and a Tallit (prayer shawl). If men do not own a Tallit, the Synagogue has extras available for your guests. If non-Jews will be in attendance they will not wear the Tallit, but the Kippah is mandatory.
What time to arrive?
Unfortunately, if they have not arrived by this time and given their Aliyah Card to an Usher, the honour will be given to someone else. This avoids any last minute searches and delays to the service.
Sanctity of the Shabbat
Although a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a very special occasion for the celebrants and for the congregation, it is only one part of the Shabbat service. It is very important that the sanctity of the Shabbat, including proper Synagogue decorum and Shabbat observance be maintained.
Please advise your non-Jewish guests that all cameras, pagers and cellular phones should not be brought into the Synagogue or on the Synagogue grounds on the Shabbat. It desecrates the holiness and sanctity of the Synagogue and Shabbat.
Decoration Protocol and Damage Policy
Our banquet hall has been recently renovated. The new hall boasts a warm ambience with its newly renovated, stylized décor and functional layout.
Our state of the art sound system was installed in consultation with Parallel Production Services Inc. a dynamic and innovative full-service production company offering general, technical, production, and project management services to corporate and private clients. Parallel has a unique understanding of our facilities and is in an excellent position to consult with you and offer recommendations that would make the best use of the facilities, whether it’s complete party planning services or special lighting, sound or technical design effects. If you would like advice as to how you can utilize the Banquet Hall to its optimum for your Simcha please contact David Arnold at 416-597-0030.
Another one of the new hall’s most versatile features is the “floating dance floor”. The dance floor can be configured to be either square or rectangular in an assortment of sizes or can be removed completely.
We want to keep all our facilities looking their best for many years to come and to that end we have added a paragraph to our contract, which outlines the new policies of the synagogue that relate to damages. One month prior to the Simcha, each licensee will be asked to provide a $500 refundable damage deposit.
BULLETIN
We take great pleasure in announcing all our Bar/Bat Mitzvahs in the Beth Sholom Synagogue Bulletin. In order to avoid mistakes and embarrassment, please provide us with the information below.
Following is an example of how the wording will appear.
Mazel Tov to:
Jacob and Elaine Horowitz on the Bat Mitzvah of their daughter Elizabeth Shira. Proud grandparents are Allan and Deborah Horowitz and Isaac Greenspan and the late Eileen Greenspan. Great grandparents are Jason Horowitz and Evelyn Greenspan.
Please complete the following, listing the names exactly as you would like them to appear in the Bulletin. Please note that we can only wish Mazel Tov to living relatives.
Please print clearly:
Name of Bar/Bat Mitzvah: _____________________________________
first middle last
Names of Parents: _____________________________________
Names of Grandparents: _____________________________________
_____________________________________
Names of Great Grandparents: _____________________________________
HONOURS & PRAYERS
Depending on the number of events taking place in the synagogue on the Shabbat of your Simcha your family may be allowed up to 3 Aliyot (Torah honours) in addition to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah aliyah. It is possible that other honours may be allotted depending on other celebrations or Yahrzeits being observed on a particular Shabbat. In our Synagogue, Aliyot are assigned to males only.
In addition to the Aliyot, females may read one of three special prayers recited during the service.
A representative from the synagogue may contact you to advise you of the honours that have been assigned to your family. We will make every possible effort to accommodate your family's special requests; however, we appreciate your patience and understanding.
Please complete the information below
INFORMATION REQUIRED FOR TORAH ALIYAH (you may write in Hebrew or spell phonetically)
Name (English) Hebrew Name Father’s Hebrew Name Tribe (Kohan, Levi, Israel)
Bar/Bat Mitzvah
On the form below, please list those males who will be requesting an aliyah. Please state the relationship to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child. (e.g. father, grandfather, uncle.) If you have any questions or require clarification you may contact the synagogue office.
INFORMATION REQUIRED FOR TORAH ALIYOT (MALES ONLY) (you may write in Hebrew or spell phonetically)
Name (English) Hebrew Name Father’s Hebrew Name Tribe (Kohan, Levi, Israel)
1.
2.
3.
SPECIAL REQUESTS – NON-SPEAKING HONOURS (MALES ONLY) e.g. Opening the Ark, Wrapping the Torah
Full Name: (English)
Full Name: (English)
PRAYERS: Usually reserved for female family members, generally the mother of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Please
indicate your first, second and third choice of which prayer you would prefer to read. These prayers are read in English. If you require copies of these prayers, please contact the synagogue office.
____ Prayer for Canada ____ Prayer for Israel ____ Prayer for Peace
Full name of person (English) who will be reading the prayer:
SATURDAY EVENING FUNCTIONS
If you are planning a Saturday evening function, please note that there are no trades allowed in the building until 45 minutes after the candle lighting time on Friday evening. (i.e. candle lighting Friday is 4:30, trades are not allowed in until Saturday at 5:15.) Trades may enter via the kitchen service doors only. In order to allow the trades sufficient set-up time, consider extending your cocktails to one hour (cold hors d’oeuvres only). Avoid any type of décor which may require an inordinate amount of time to set up. Balloons may not be blown up on Shabbat.
The CONTRACT
Please sign and return the contract with your deposit (cheque, visa or MasterCard) within 2 weeks.
*Note: Your booking is not secure unless your deposit is received. Bookings are not held more than 2 weeks after the contract has been mailed.
If you would like to pay by Visa or MasterCard, please fill out the following and return it with the signed contract.
Deposit amount: ________________
Name: ____________________________ Date: __________________
Method of payment: ħ Visa ħ MasterCard
Card #: ___________________________________Expiry: __________
E-MAIL
We are currently in the process of producing an e-mail database. Please provide us with your e-mail address so that we can add it to our database.
e-mail
TELEPHONE NUMBERS:
Home: _________________ Business: ________________ Fax: ____________
________________
MAZAL TOV!