So…What Does G-d Truly Want From Me?

We live in a modern age, the new millennium – a generation where the most precious commodity in life is time.  I know that I am lost without my cell phone, palm organizer and email.  How did I ever live without these items?  We can now even email or fax a message to the Kotel without ever making a trip to Israel.  With the world at our fingertips, how do we find the time for mitzvot and prayer?  There are so many of them to fulfill on an ongoing basis.  Our tradition requires that we observe prayer and mitzvot with kavanah – love, devotion and great intent.  How do we derive meaning from the prayers we are commanded to recite three times daily?  How is it possible to feel such devotion in a world without any time? 

While I don’t have the answer to this difficult query, I do have more questions.  When I meet with my Bar/Bat Mitzvah students, I always ask them if they have any questions at the end of our first lesson.  One of my most frequently asked questions is… “Cantor, are you Orthodox?”  My response is always the same: “I am traditional…”  So, what does that mean? 

I have two mentors whom I love and respect.  The first is a devout Jew who observes every letter of the law.  He would never contemplate answering the telephone on Shabbat, eating even a salad in a non-kosher restaurant or stepping out of his house without a kippah on his head.  Until recently he always walked for 20 minutes to shul on the coldest of Shabbat mornings, despite his deteriorating health.  He is a true intellectual – a Ph. D from Harvard and the author of three books.  However, he is not what I would call ‘a believer.’  He has on occasion asked me if I believe the words of the prayers I recite and what they really signify.  He is the type of person who fulfills the mitzvot as prescribed in the Torah.  Nonetheless, he often questions, like most academics, the unwavering belief and faith of my other mentor. 

The second is a true believer – a survivor of Auschwitz, a devoted Jew but not one who observes every mitzvah.  While he studies Mishnayot and davens in shul every morning, he may not follow every intricacy of Jewish law as closely.  Although he knows every word of the Torah from memory, he would not hesitate to eat fish in an uncertified restaurant, turn on a light or receive an important phone call on Shabbat.  Yet, his unwavering faith and passionate belief in G-d is truly inspirational. Whenever something wrong has happened in my life, I have turned to him for guidance.  The positive nature of his answers always impresses me, despite the severity of any situation.  His comments may include the following:  ‘Hakol Ba Min HaShamayim’ – everything comes from on high, ‘Gam Ze Yaavor’ – this too shall pass or ‘the Ribono Shel Olam will show you MeAyin’ – G-d will pave the way.  How can a person who has lived through the horrors of the Holocaust be so optimistic?  How can his belief be so steadfast? 

The question of our faith in prayer is a deeply spiritual one.  While we are commanded to pray three times daily, we are also obligated to pray with devotion and direct our prayers to heaven.  Reading the prayers is not merely enough.  This is the difference between kevah and kavanah.  Do we as Jews observe a mitzvah because we are commanded to do so or do we fulfill it because of our devotion to it?  I am certain that for most of us this line gets blurred. 

So, which is more important?  Does G-d want us to fulfill the mitzvot or to love the ones we do wholeheartedly.  Which of my mentors is the more religious or righteous person?  Or, in the words of my students “which is more Orthodox”?  The one who observes every letter of the law or the one who has such faith and love for those mitzvoth he fulfills.  While I am not prepared to pass judgment on such a question, I know that one cannot exist without the other.  Our tradition needs those who pray daily albeit with the perfunctory recitation of the words.  We also need those who pray because they truly feel the intent and devotion to fill G-d’s commandments. 

One of my best friends in university came from a home where his mother was Shomer Shabbat and his father went to work on Shabbat.  Somehow one parent respected the other’s ways and they understood that Shabbat would be a different experience for each of them throughout their marriage.  I once asked my friend how he decided which of his parent’s footsteps to follow.  His answer was that G-d wanted him to be a good person above all.  While it didn’t quite answer my question, it certainly gave me something to think about. 

We all go through phases of spiritual belief in our lives.  There will always be those who perform the precepts out of an obligation to a certain way of life.  Others will have a spiritual awakening when they will embrace prayer and mitzvot due to some life altering experience.  And still there will be those who will go through a difficult journey when every fibre in their being will question what it is that G-d expects of them.  While I have made no attempt to offer an answer to these challenging questions, I certainly believe that they are questions worth asking.  As we celebrate the upcoming festival of Shavuot, let it be a time of thought provoking questions with answers we will never all agree upon.  In our hurried lives where time is precious, let us pray with passion and devotion – with the kavanah required to truly fulfill the mitzvah. 

Chag Sameach