Wisdom from the Bimah

Opening Reflection
Who’s Not in the Room?

Recently, my wife and I welcomed our third child, Reuven, into the world. Eight days later, he made his debut at shul. It was a joy to celebrate this special occasion with our family and our community at Beth Sholom.

I can’t say Reuven had quite as good a time as the rest of us—but I know he’ll be back many times.

What worries me more are the people whose first time in synagogue ends up being their last.

What happens when someone walks in and feels like they don’t belong? Maybe they’re shushed. Maybe they feel lost, unsure of how to follow along. Embarrassed by the choreography. Uncomfortable with the dress code. For any number of reasons, too often someone walks out feeling like synagogue just isn’t for them.

Earlier this summer, I shared a sermon I gave in June on rethinking synagogue decorum.

Maybe it’s a little self-serving—after all, it’s often my kids making the most noise at shul—but it’s a topic I care about. Imagine a sanctuary where children are regularly present—not just because one of their parents is on the bimah.

When we think about synagogue, we often ask: What kind of service do I want? What melodies? How much Hebrew versus English? Should it feel formal or relaxed? Traditional or modern?

These are reasonable questions. Many people choose a shul because they like the style of the service. They “shul-shopped,” tried a few out, and eventually—like Goldilocks—they found the one that felt just right.

It’s essential that a service reflects the people in the room—that it speaks to their spiritual, emotional, and psychological needs. But I want us to also ask another question: What kind of service would speak to the people who aren’t in the room?

After all, communal prayer is meant to shift our focus from me to we.

The siddur pushes us beyond our individual wants and needs and focuses us on the broader community. Even as we recite the Amidah individually, we pray in the first person plural:

Save us. Heal us. Grant us peace. Hear our prayers.

Synagogue is a place where we think not only of ourselves, but of others. It’s about finding balance: creating a space where our own spiritual lives can thrive—and one that welcomes and nourishes others as well.

In this sermon, I invite us to rethink what decorum really means. A silent sanctuary might feel reverent—but let’s not forget: an empty sanctuary is silent too.

While most people’s first time in shul isn’t as traumatic as Reuven’s was, far too many have had an experience that made them not want to come back.

So I want to open a conversation: How can we continue building a communal experience that feels welcoming and meaningful—for those already here, and for those who haven’t yet walked through the door?

If you do take a listen, I’d love to hear your thoughts:

What do you appreciate most about our services?

What moments—here or elsewhere—have helped you feel connected, inspired, or at home?

Are there things you’ve seen in other communities that created a strong sense of belonging—or, at times, made it harder to return?

Or anything else you’d like to share on the topic.

-RLS

Explore the latest insights from Rabbi Sachs’ Torah Outside the Box, which is available on Apple Podcasts, Soundcloud, Amazon Music and on our website.

The Empty Pew Problem
(And What We Can Do About It)
“Think about not simply the services that we want, but what is going to connect to those who aren't here. What is going to bring people in? What's going to help others connect with community, with Torah, with tradition, with God? If God can tolerate it, I think we need to learn to tolerate it too.”

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Closing Thoughts

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